When God breaks your heart with good things
Updated: Feb 23
Yesterday, I put my heart on a plane. She is following her heart around the world chasing Jesus with all she has. I am so proud of my girl. She is following her dream and her calling. Then why the lump in my throat? Why do I feel like I was drop kicked to the moon?
Because God broke my heart. I want to say this is easy because God has asked it of me. I want to say "If it is God's will, he will make a way", but that will have to come later. Right now, what God has asked, is breaking my heart. I will not see my sweet girl again until next Christmas. She is 24 and an adult, but my mama's heart is still screaming inside of me, "There is a worldwide pandemic! God, you couldn't wait a year?".
But that is not how this works. God calls, and you have a choice. You can say yes or you can say no. Just like with all decisions in life. God always gives us a choice and we have to decide how we will answer. In this case, I have given my grief to God. I know my daughter is exactly where she needs to be doing exactly what she was created to do. It is hard. God never said following Him would be easy. But it will be worth it in the end.
As we drove to the airport yesterday, my whole family in the car, singing along to the music she selected, (No surprise, it was Go by the Newsboys!) I started thinking about how this journey began. It wasn't overnight. She didn't wake up one morning and say, "Hey mom, I think God wants me to be a missionary. I am going to sign up for a year long trip and see what happens!"
This journey began many years ago with choices we, as parents, made. One of those choices was to homeschool our children.
There are many reasons people decide to homeschool, but for us the main reason we wanted to homeschool was to have more time and influence with our children. Life moves fast, and we wanted to make sure we didn't miss our kids childhood. Just like those precious first steps, we wanted to be there when they first learned to read and to be a part of the conversation as they grew their understanding of the world.
As we walked through history and discussed not only the what, but the why and looked at that through the lens of scripture and asked the ever important question, "How does God see this?" we started planting seeds that sharing God's love with the world is important. As we looked at, not only the wins of the church, but what went wrong, we were able to instill our worldview into the conversation as our children were learning. Don't get me wrong, I believe that you have the greatest impact on your child, no matter what school choice you make, but this choice, for us, lead us to this moment. This moment where God broke my heart.
The seeds from those conversations that God planted all those years ago have grown into a beautiful, breathtaking, heart wrenching moment. That moment where we give our child completely to God, because even when they are grown, we feel the need to protect and nurture. We trust that the creator of the universe can hold our girl in the palm of His hand and whatever His will is for her and her future, we can trust that God wins. We can even give him our broken, grieving hearts, because He can be trusted to heal our grief and help us be happy for the amazing gift He has given us.
Each of us wrote her notes to open when...when you are lonely, when you are scared, when you are angry. This blog post is my note to myself. When God breaks your heart with good things, remember that God can be trusted and loves you more than you will ever understand.
I cannot wait to see what God will do in and through her and our family as we travel this road this year!